Darkness Enveloping Me
by Shiori the Weaver of Dreams
Summary: Prequel to Every Little Voice That Sounds. What Raivis' letter said and what drove him to commit suicide. Sad angsty SeaLat Warning: this story follows a distraught depressed Latvia no happy ending.
1. It All Started With a Dream

The small boy known as Latvia moved around his room in a silent daze. With crazed eyes like those of a trapped and beaten animal, he continually flitted the purple orbs over the room, always coming to rest on a small box; surrounded like an island by a woolen sea of gray. The small solitary island held but one resident whose bird-like feet could be seen poking up from it. The child's eyes continued to stare at it, his gaze unfaltering. Slowly, he brought a hand to his head to run it through his bedraggled hair. Clasping each lock gingerly as if it would crumble to pieces the second it was released. Keeping a single curl in between his fingers, he began to stare at the walls. However, his eyes did not seem to focus on the mass but instead seemed to stare through it as if imagining something unbeknownst to everyone but him. He began to hum an eerie and desolate tune and as he did the room around him began to morph.

Its surroundings became bright and cheerful. All the open loneliness seemed to disappear. The sun above shone cheerful and bright whilst the clouds drifted around lazily in an assortment of soft puffs and wisps. Astounded by his new surroundings, Raivis allowed his hand to drop down to his side. Gazing as far as he could, all he was able to see was a world of open and free mind. Letting his legs fold beneath him, he sank down to the ground. A small smile made its way to his lips as he gently felt the dewy grass. Contentedly, he stared off into the distance. There by the horizon he could see the silloutes of three people. As they came closer, Raivis was able to distinguish them they were in fact Berwauld, Tino, and most of all, Peter. And all the while the small form of Hanatamago could be viewed skirting happily around the feet of her masters.

A joyful smile burst forth upon Raivis' lips quickly he rushed to get up and run to his friends. Tino looked up and saw him; he smiled to him and waved while Peter began to sprint towards him. Just as Raivis was about to start running towards them, his surroundings, for the second time, changed. The sky turned from a crystal blue to a deep murky red while the clouds turned quickly from white, to gray, and finally to a black like that of death, hiding the sun from view. While the grass which had once been green and luscious shriveled up and died, turning a grayish brown. And little Hanatamago morphed from a cute little dog into a vicious wolf. Her eyes glowing red, as saliva began to dribble from her mouth, flowing over large pointed canines. Then she began to attack the men she had once adored. First pouncing on Berwald, knocking him down on his back. The Swedish man desperately tried to fight against the animal as it began to claw and bite at him, tearing and ripping at his flesh in anyway it could. Tino, screaming, tried to ward of the beast attacking his 'husband' while yelling at Peter to run away.

The young micro-nation ran away in fear, tears streaming down his cheeks. His two parental figures were drenched in their own blood. Berwald, already dead, could be seen with massive gashes adorning his body, mostly near his chest, arms, and face. His glassy eyes still staring at the wolf and his hands clenched in a death grip around one of its front paws. Tino, sobbing, still tried to defend himself but to no avail. A sickening scream could be heard as the wolf went in for a death bite. Jawsclamping around the Finnish man's throat the held steady, leaching the life out of him. In his last seconds Tino stared into the animal's eyes in fear, still trying to claw at it. Finally he went limp the wolf dropping him to the ground with his mouth gaping open and an angry wound which revealed the innermost part of his throat. The canine's attention then shifted towards the fleeing boy. It began to bound after Peter the boy she had once played with on so many different occasions. Finally, the blond boy tripped leaving him at the mercy of the beast.

"Peter" cried out Raivis desperately "I'll help you." he finished running to help him companion. Suddenly, he found himself between Peter and the wolf, the animal's eyes lost in blood lust. The following moments happened in a blur. One moment, Raivis found himself trembling and losing all his grip on the situation. And then the next he found himself stabbing at the body of the wolf with a knife which had appeared in his hand. Who during the process returned to her original form but he continued to stab at the whimpering dog until she no longer moved and even continued tho drive the knife deeper into the corpse. The next thing he knew there was Peter clutching at his sleeve with teary eyes begging him to stop. For some reason, this infuriated Raivis. How dare Peter tell him to stop when he had been trying to save him? He deemed this not fare; he deserved to do what he wished to. Suddenly he brought the knife above his head and swung it down into the crook of Peter's neck. He began to smile insanely as he watched his friend drop to the ground the crimson liquid flowing from the wound in his neck. But as the realisation of what he had done hit him he became frantic. He moved down to try and somehow revive the younger boy.

But all around him, everything began to turn into a dark, almost black looking blood. It pooled around him until it had reached his waist and even then it still continued to rise. Raivis soon found himself submerged in the opaque substance. His eyes were met with complete darkness and as he tried to move around, his body suddenly felt like a dead weight. Dragging him down farther and farther until he saw a purple light shining still deeper yet into the darkness. Then a hand grabbed him looking down, he came face to face with the man he had feared for as long as he could remember. With an insane smile and equally crazed eyes, the Russian man began to speak to him.

"Come Raivis; come with me." That was all the man said while a familiar_ 'kolkolkol' _could be heard chanted in the background.

Snapping his eyes open Raivis found himself back in his bedroom. Trembling, he fell to the ground holding his head in his hands. What a terrible vision that had been. After calming down a bit he knew what he must do. Picking himself up, he scoured his house for a pen, paper, and another object. Sitting down on the floor oh his room, he began to write.

_Dearest Peter_

_This is the last that you will ever hear from me... and I know that for a fact. I wish only that I could tell you a proper goodbye in person. However, I realize that will not be possible at this point. I just wish you to know that towards the end I started to love you more than just as brother and I hope that you perhaps reciprocated my feelings. You may be too young realize the true meaning of this letter, as I myself can only grasp the merest understandings of my own feelings. If you don't understand it now, you will in due time as you grow older. It saddens me that I will not be able to grow there beside you. But this is the way things need to be. Please don't think that I am abandoning you. No, that would be the farthest thing from the truth. However it occurs to me that it would be better for the one I love... you... to not be around me._

_When you find this letter it will probably be with my blood staining the floor and a slit through my throat. Try to look through the darkness of these events and heed my instructions well. Take my body, drink from the pools of my blood, burn it to cinders, and then devour the ashes. Only then will I truly become part of you. This may seem barbaric and cruel, but it is my dying wish. Once you have consumed my body wholly, the land that was once mine will become yours. I make this decision in the hopes that it will help you to accomplish your dream of becoming a real nation._

_So many wonderful memories come back to me. Of times when I was truly happy. Although, these memories all have one thing in common and that was the joy that I found with you._ Teardrops stain the page here making part of the letter indecipherable**.**_ Although I felt happy and alive with every moment I spent with you, there was an illness that was slowly killing me that I didn't notice until recently. Let me re-account to you a story that will make this easier to understand. One day, a song bird came to me, singing a sweet song every day, lifting the woes of my life from my soul. My little bird was the light of my world when there was no one else around to comfort me. Then it was forever silenced as its song was strangled out of it by the hand of a mad man... who was not Ivan, as most would suspect, but myself. This act of bitter hatred opened my eyes to how much I was becoming like him. His presence over the years has infected me psychically, mentally, and spiritually. There was only one cure I was able to find to stop the spread of this disease from enveloping me and that was to destroy the body in which the parasite grew._

_Then a vision came to me today and I knew that I had already allowed it to develop too far. This may be viewed as__ the "coward's" way out, but I can see no other way. After all this time, I have neither the energy or will to fight anymore. Maybe I would if there was some light to be seen at the end of this grim tunnel. But any light in my life has been extinguished long ago and the doorway to escape has long since been nailed shut. And each nail was driven in each time I submitted to the ruthless tyranny of others. You are still very young; learn from my mistakes and do no repeat them._

_There are so many more words that I wish to speak to you but there is so little time._

_Goodbye...but not forever love,  
Raivis Galante the former country of Latvia_

Placing the pen down, Raivis folded the letter and placed it into an envelope along with a small golden locket. Slowly he closed it and signed the back of it. Placing it on the nightstand, he looked over to his bed where the casket of his bird lay. Gently, he picked up the dead bird, looking sadly at its unmoving figure and gently placed the box into a draw. Still holding the bird, he went to grab the extra item he had picked up before starting his letter. Taking both objects he went silently into his small closet. Shutting the door he allowed himself a moment to think as the darkness enveloped him.

He smiled sadly to himself this was the end and he knew it. Bringing the sharp butcher knife to his neck he paused for a second. Then he heard it; the two familiar voices of Tino and Peter. They were talking, looking for him. For a mere second Raivis thought about putting down the knife and going out to meet them. But then the memory of the vision came back to him. He then decided that if he paused now, he never would be able to. With a trembling hand he brought the razor edge to his throat and brought it across sharply, slicing his neck open. He had a moment to gasp and smile as his dying thoughts came to his mind.

Death would not be that bad after all his soul had already been for so many years. His body mereley had decided to keep functioning properly. But now it was all over. As his blood dripped down his neck, his hand holding the knife dropped down limply.

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**Author's Note:** So I hope you guys liked this but I do understand death-fics aren't for everyone. I might be milking this story out longer than it needs to go but do you want a prequel to this? Because trust me this whole thing wasn't Raivis' fault it was all Ivan's so if you want to know tell me. And a thank you to my editor pineappleSAMBA without her these stories would have little to no grammar.


	2. You Me and Insanity

**Author's Note:**First of all I offer my deepest apologies to the people that I promised that this would be published last week. But with basketball, a wedding, and my lack of own personal faith I postponed its publishing. So I hope you enjoy reading this have fun.

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Raivis looked out of his window sighing, it had been snowing hard for the past week, and he wouldn't be surprised if a white out came. Not only that but Peter had been sick for the last two. He looked about his room it was so desolate and isolated. The only colors that existed were whites and the splash of gray here and there. It felt so sterile even if had been a room of sin so many times. Raivis looked down to the small locket that had recently been given to him. Gently he unclasped its hinges to display the picture which lay inside it. There in front of his eyes was now a picture of Peter and himself. The young micro-nation gripping him in an affectionate hug and smiling brightly. While he himself was shown trying to pull off a smile but only managing a meek twitching of his lips while holding back the look of a frightened yet trusting animal. A brief smile came to Raivis before he heard footsteps. Heavy and hard he could hear them echoing in a dreadful rhythm. He looked quickly hiding his locket in his drawer beneath the miscellaneous items that littered its interior. This move was made not a moment too soon for in the next the door creaked ominously open. Standing in the doorway was the familiar, tall, Russian man. He smiled in a manner that could have been called sweet. Yet if you looked closer there was something sickening and almost inhuman about it. Stepping forward the large man closed the door behind him with a click.

"Raivis you are ready for your lessons today, da?"

After Ivan had left Raivis lay face down on his back. Where on his unclothed back lay many new crimson marks. Much more fresh than the ones that had already scabbed over or scarred. Others which had almost healed had been mercilessly ripped open again. Bringing a hand to his back he ran a delicate finger over one of the new marks near his lower torso, flinching slightly as he did so. The boy felt so sore, so pained, so tired. It was times like these that he came to rely on an old friend. One whom was ironically given to him by Ivan himself. Dropping his hand down to below his bed his fingers came into contact with that slim cool neck that he knew so well. His fingers immediately tightened around it as he brought it up to his mouth. Pressing his lips to the small glass opening he tilted his head back and drank deeply from it. He really didn't care if the liquid was supposed to be drank in shots. He was beyond caring about such trivial things. All he wished now was to escape to his familiar drunken high a refuge from his painful world.

Sunlight shown through the window for the first time in a week. It was a dim and gray light, muted by the gray clouds of winter around it. Raivis squinted as he awoke his eyes dilating and refocusing themselves. He moaned as he felt the affects of a hangover kicking in. However it was just a small price he had to pay to escape from his life if even just for a few hours. Truthfully the amounts of alcohol he had ingested would have probably killed a normal human. What bottle had he stopped at before unconsciousness gripped him the second... or maybe it was the fourth? Did it matter he was still alive no matter how greatly he wished to escape. Then again the amounts of damage that had been done to his body should have done him in long ago. But then again that was the damned law of the countries'. As long as none of their vital organs were harmed they would continue to live. No matter how much blood they lost, no matter how much their lungs screamed for air, no matter how much pain they felt their bodies still persisted. Hell it didn't even matter if they no longer wished to live they simply had to. There was one way to escape but no country had tried the method in years. The last time it was attempted China was still but a mere babe and had little recollection of the event. All the others knew was that the Asian country would immediately clam up about the event and gain a forlorn look in his eyes.

Wordlessly he let the bottle in his hand drop to the ground. The sound of glass striking the marble floor could be heart reverberating against the bare walls. However the glass did not shatter but instead began to roll around. In an ungainly fashion he put his feet onto the wobbled and it took another moment before they were stable. Slowly he made his way to the window. Unlatching it he opened it wide. Breathing in the crisp clean air. He closed his eyes listening to the wind rustling through the trees until the peacefulness was ruined by a pained screech rang through the air. It the next instant a small yellow object plummeted down from the sky. The gold was stained by a bloody crimson. Reaching out carefully Raivis picked up the small object that had just fallen. He gasped it was a small bird. Gently he cupped it in his hands and cradled the small animal to his chest. The bird's wing was badly injured it's wing hanging limply at its side where a wound was present. For some reason keeping the wounded bird to his chest brought out a feeling of kinship to Raivis. For had he not himself been wounded in such the same way by Ivan?

As the days passed Raivis continued to care for the bird nursing it back to health. And as if in some way of payment the small creature would sing its sweet song for him. Even after the bird's body had completely healed i had refused to leave. Though this was not something that Raivis would complain about. For he was finally able to find happiness in his home. Though it was nothing in comparison to what it felt like when he was in his true home. But still it was the refuge that he needed and he cherished it.

However one day his sanctuary was crushed and the coming of it had been in the form of a beige scarf.

"Raivis you are there, da?" came the all too cheerful voice of Ivan. "come you know you cannot hide." his voice suddenly changed becoming menacing.

The young boy was quivering on his bed clutching his small friend. No matter how many times the Russian had come to "teach" him it never any easier. He heard his door once again creek open and started to shake even more as if in some way trying to will the evil force away. But it was all to no avail Ivan still came in in his hands were a whip and a dagger. Finally he came to sit next to Raivis.

"Let Ivan see your back." he said in a voice that could almost be mistaken as sweet. When Raivis did not make any form of responce Ivan continued. "Come how are to learn?" bringing up the dagger and slashing the back of Raivis' shirt open as well as parts of his flesh. "If you do not listen to your teacher." the man finished licking off the blood that stained the blade.

"Not in the mood for speaking? Then maybe this will loosen your lips." With that the man cruelly brought his whip down harshly onto Raivis' back. The boy withheld the scream which was gathering in the back of his throat. It hurt to hold it back, but he knew it would be that much worse to give the Russian man what he wanted to hear. The Russian continued to torture the Latvian in his own cruel form of torment, switching from whip to dagger. After he was done Russia brought a gloved fingertip almost lovingly over the deep gashes he had left. Raivis winced as he felt the man's touch. Intently Russian examined each mark he had left as an artist would examine their latest drawing. However, his attention was soon caught by a small peeping noise, and his hands began to gravitate towards the sound. Somehow the Latvian found the energy to beat him to it, grabbing his bird and holding it protectively to his chest.

"Hm Raivis has a new friend, let Ivan see."

Raivis was torn on what to do, if he handed the bird over to Ivan it would probably be dead within the hour. But if he didn't who knew what could happen. While Latvia was contemplating on what to do the bird seemed to sense its master's unease and began to chirp a soothing tune. The affect it had though was just the opposite. The boy's mind was thrown into tumult upon the sound reaching his ears. How dare happiness be thought of when he was still locked in his world of pain. It was incomprehensible to him, his head began to reel in confusion, while his fingers seemed to gain a life of their own. Squeezing around the delicate neck of the creature they held, twisting and crushing it until the body fell limp.

"Very good, you're becoming just like me now-"

Hearing those words were the breaking point for Raivis. "Shut up I'll never be like you!" he cried out flinging down the bird's corpse and grabbing the dagger that Ivan had put aside. Maybe it was the pain driving him on. Perhaps he had ceased to care anymore. Whatever the reason was all he knew was that after all was said and done, after the adrenaline had drained from his veins, there Ivan sat his eyes locked onto the knife that was embedded in his gut. With a smile far more crazed and inhuman than any other he had worn before and let out a simple chuckle.

"Ehe looks like my work is done... you're broken just like me." Wincing slightly the Russian drove the knife in a bit deeper. Still his smile lay on his lips but his eyes held a far more complex feeling to them. Gingerly he took the blade and brought it slicing through himself. Out came the Russian's innards spilling out accompanied by a flow of crimson waves. With that the mighty country of Russia, fell forward, dead.

Raivis trembled harder harder than he ever had before. He had just witnessed death before his very eyes, experienced it by his own hand. His head reeled and the room seemed to spin in circles around him. He felt sick to his stomach and fought to keep back the bile that was gathering in the back of his throat. Now he was enveloped in a feeling far worse than any other he had ever felt before. The emotion that had been in Ivan's eyes before he had died... what had it been? A sick feeling of triumph at finally breaking him down after all these years? No it had been far more human than that. Was it possible the crazed and feared country had been asking for forgiveness? Had he been asking for redemption before he died? Was suicide his way out of the hectic life of a country or all the pain and confusion that had built up in his long life?

Had his sick games that he had played with Raivis been nothing more than the feelings of an angry child beating his toys' against a wall of the same pain he had felt? But then he had gone too far and shattered his doll against the woes and anguish of his soul. When he had seen the porcelain skin break had sanity regained its control over him? Whatever the answer was it didn't seem to matter that much anymore. Raivis was stranded in the sea of insanity which had previously held Ivan in its grip. The boy understood now how tough it could be to fight the waves of this sea. They continued to beat mercilessly upon a person until they wished only to bring such pain to others around them.

Now the child was left fearing his very hands, imagining what terrible thing that they would do next. His life was becoming far too complex and painful and he needed relief from it. However he feared that not even the strong bite of alcohol could save him anymore. All he wanted now was to sleep, to be free forever... to finally find peace. Then the tears came flooding out of purple eyes. Translucent streams came flooding down over rosy colored plains bit still the small of crevice of the boy's mouth was formed into a grin. Raivis was unsure of what happened next. Only that when he regained his senses Ivan's body was gone. Not only that but not a trace of blood was to be seen anywhere in the room either. His eyes began to flit around the room, that's when he felt it... a feeling of a substance cool and almost dry. Raising his hand up to his mouth he felt a slightly sticky substance. Bringing his hand down his eyes widened in shock at what he saw. There spread on his hand was a drying liquid that could only be identified as blood. Looking to the other he saw already long dried blood adorning it. Gasping at the sight the Latvian rushed to find some sort of reflective surface.

Upon finding one there was his reflection glaring back at him. Eyes streaked with the red of insanity... and a mouth painted with the vibrant laquer of blood.

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**Author's Note:**Also I felt like this fic was very rushed and I could have done better, so sorry once again for being so lazy. I just don't have the heart in me to scrap it and restart. For the people out there who like RusLat I hope you liked those suggestive scenes, and for those who don't I swear I don't realize it was that implicating until I reread it. Lot's of apologizing in this A/N so let me add to it... sorry for not really checking the grammar in it. Oh yes and if anyone is wondering yes Latvia did eat Russia's body... or at least the blood don't ask me why I just wanted Russia to get punished for hurting Latvia. I might write an epilogue from Sealand's pov. but I personally feel my writing skills have been waning as of late.


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